Everything has a start

Hello to all who may be reading this. Sitting alone in my box of a room watching a random Netflix show about motherhood. I am not a mother.
I used to write in a diary and still do occasionally but that never satisfies my need to vent. Therapy is too expensive and telling people how you really feel is too damaging. So here I am.

This is kind of like that movie “To All The Boys I’ve Loved” but I’m talking about everyone in my life just as the title of my blog site says, their names are redacted.

One side of me hopes people actually read this and it doesn’t become just another forgotten blog site, the other just hopes the only one who reads these blogs is the FBI man who reads my internet history.

I’ll try to remember to write on here but there are no guarantees honestly. I’ll also try to start taking more photos of the world around me to show you guys.

Dear [REDACTED],
My first love, well, my first real love. We met young and dumb but grew together and shaped each other into who we are today.
You were the crutch under my arm when my legs wouldn’t work and the one who would skip school just to see me on a cloudy day. Sadly after a good run, we turned on eachother. It was a full war, a whole thorn on our toes that with every step it dug deeper and hurt more.
When they say love is a double edged sword they’re right. While we grew in beauty and love, we ended with bullets and blood.
“We can still be friends” we lied to each other through our gritted teeth. The taste of iron in our mouths from biting our tongues as to not lose our tempers. The problem with lying to you and to myself, is that I actually believed it. After a month or so, I saw you. Small, quiet, lost in your own thoughts. I nearly cried from joy thinking we were still the best of friends. no

Darkness, cold, bitter, tears welling, and a hole in my lungs barely able to breathe.
It was as if you had forgotten about me, about us. I spent a year jumping from man to man begging for the love and bond we had together. All I wanted was what I had again.

As I wallowed in my hole of darkness and depression, I realized I was happy about what happened. I am so grateful I got the experience to enjoy you, learn from you, and use what skills I got from you to help me in life.